Living Toast

Chapter 1.

"And don't you ever come back"! SLAM! My long runny nose is barely an inch away from the door and I can breathe in the fumes of cigarettes and alcohol trailing outside in the midnight air. Strong and freaking obsessive. I take a good whiff and stand there for a while with a blank face and a motionless body. Who wouldn't after your mother told you to walk out of her life?  I actually got kicked out of my own house; no joke, and now I have nowhere to go. Great. I will die before I know it and even the voices in my head agree.

I walk like a zombie down the road trying to figure out what the heck to do. Every now and then a car would pass and the headlights would startle me. As if I've never seen lights before. Roadkill. I carried nothing with me except a pocket knife. Might as well slit my throat right now and get it over and done with. My hoodie covered my swollen face but not the huge house in front of me. "What in Gods name do you think you're going to do? You're going to regret it, like you regret killing your own father". I brush off the voices in my head. If I killed someone before, someone who meant the world to me... what harm is it to do some stealing in a strangers house? Needless to say, it look fit for a perfect burglary. How'd I know? I easily opened the door and there were goodies laying everywhere. Like what? A t.v, food, and phones. I could sell these and make a fortune.. well except the food.I could take these and run away just like that but guess what? Something told me to collect these jewels later and instead make my way upstairs.

I didn't know whether or not to back away from these thoughts, but since there were no cars parked outside thank goodness, and no signs that anyone was inside (which is like I said, fit for a perfect burglary), I gave in and stepped up each creaking step with a minute interval. I hesitated when I glanced at the wall, because I saw pictures of a young plump girl, around 4 or so by the beach. It was clear that there was longing in her dainty eyes.. As though despite her happiness, there was something dark beneath that.. whereas I let my constant anger flood whatever streets I rush into. I had to control that anger now or it'll get me into hot water. Her skin was a rich brown tone and her long hair a magnificent dark brown. Cherry lips, round cheeks, wide smile. It caught my attention for a bit too long. Darnnit. Stay focused Noah. Forget the little girl and keep your eyes on the prize. After what felt like hours I made it at the top of the stairs. "I hear something. Someone's there".

My head swung around looking for who said those words which broke the too- good- to- be- true silence. It sounded like it came from the bedroom directly in front of me. It was a woman's voice, for certain and she sounded pretty confident that she wasn't just hearing things. Why did she have to be a weak sleeper? It was also clear that she was ready to do whatever was in her power to defend herself and defend whoever she was talking to in that room. So she wasn't alone. Makes things much better for me, doesn't it?

"My boy, you have an outstanding voice! You need to show it to the world", I remember my mother saying in my room when I was 10. I didn't expect that she would be sneaking into there while I had to sing, it calmed me down.. But I still wished I hadn't done that. It was my dirty secret, If I had any at all. I was suddenly pulled back into the darkness of upstairs and froze. How many times do I have to do this? Freezing was my weakness, I must admit. Don't be a baby Luke, be a 17 year old boy, or should I say adult because that's what you are.. right? I'm trying to find who I am. Aren't all teens trying to do the same? Its like puberty wasn't enough. Without thinking or breathing, I tip toed into that room. She was laying down in a tranquil position. Oddly enough, her beauty swept me away and I couldn't help myself but touch her cheek. This could cost me. It was smooth and warm while my rigid hands were cold from the outdoors. I realize now, that she was the same girl in the pictures I bumped into earlier.. It made me escape into a trance with the revelation that she grew up, but into something brilliant. I was a tough guy, but this girl that I barely knew made her way to my soft spot. Her eyes opened and I cupped her mouth. I dragged her out of her bed and shoved her to the bottom.

"You've got to be kidding me".